Short Stuff
by Anjel Starlight
Summary: Blackmail: the milk to Santana's nickname cereal. Related to "It Came With a Boom". Now a collection of one-shots.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I was totally not expecting to post this so soon, but it practically wrote itself and I just couldn't help myself. Anyways, this is the background story I talked about in ****_It Came With a Boom_****, but it really can stand on it's own. I still do not have a beta, so please excuse any mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

"talking"

_thinking_

**Enjoy!**

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"Lady!"

Kurt started at the sudden shout, eyes snapping over to his curtain just as it was drawn-back, "What do you want, Cruela?"

"Haha," Santana mock-laughed, lips pulled into amused grin. "While I appreciate your wit, we've got some serious talking to do." The young woman made herself comfortable on Kurt's bed without waiting for his response, "You're former lover-boy has beat me twice in the impromptu dance competitions that Madame Lila holds; and this can no longer happen."

With a huff, Kurt rolled his eyes and leaned back against his head-board, readying himself for the argument to come.

"No, don't you sigh in exacerbation at me, Hummellina." The Latina flipped her hair over her shoulder and smirked at Kurt's disgruntled sound, "I'm serious about Frodo. You need to slip some of his deep dark secrets my way, so he'll think twice about showing me up in class again."

"First off," the blue-eyed man snapped a finger at the woman, holding it up as he went on, "you're a conniving bitch—", he purposefully ignored her 'Thank you' and went on, "—that can't stand to lose fairly, so you have to win unfairly." Kurt held up another finger, "Second, Blaine deserves those wins, he practices all the time! Even when he was hanging out with me! And third," when he raised his middle-finger to mark the third thing, he dropped his other two, causing Santana to double over laughing, "what makes you think that I know any secrets about him?"

"Oh, please! Even if you two are dating anymore, ya share—like—the same breath," Santana placed both hands on her knees as she leaned forward. "Now spill, Tinkerbell. I do believe in fairies, seeing as how I room with one, but my patience is running thin."

Kurt glared at her before looking thoughtful, "I've always wondered if you have this list of names to call me every time we talk just so it's always something new."

"As Dr. Cox-esk that is, which I'm flattered, I actually do not. I like challenges and impromptu insults give me that." Santana shrugged and said, "But sometimes a really good one pops into my head and I can't help but use it the next time we converse." Her smile grew sweeter and she batted her lashes, "Now... stop avoiding and tell Auntie Tana what she need to know."

He groaned before throwing a pillow at Santana, "Why do you even care about any secrets I know, Satan? There could be ones that aren't even secrets anymore and I wouldn't have a clue."

"Bullshit, Princess." She threw the pillow back at Kurt, but he blocked it from hitting his face, "I know it, and you know it. You two are still as thick as thieves; and there ain't no way you don't know something." A smirk came over her that actually made Kurt shudder, "Besides, you two were boyfriends. You know all of the really deep dark ones, even the juicy tid-bits that spring leaks in da panties. I mean, come on! I'm not even into penis anymore and B-boy makes my mouth water! There _has _to be something!"

The blue-eyed young man shook his head, cheeks lighting up like Christmas. Santana was wrong-just wrong. But Kurt could not help but think of Blaine, the even if all he remembered was the Blaine from high school; even then, imagination can fill in the blanks. Especially with the way Blaine fills out his clothes now. He had not gained an extraordinary amount of muscle, seeing as how he was pretty built in high school; but his arms bulged a little more, his clear cut abs visible through his shirt, his chest broadened and—_Stop it, Hummel!_ "G-gross, you're gross!"

Santana just burst out laughing again, leaning down on Kurt's bed on her side.

"Shut up, Cunt-ess!" _She's really starting to get to me._

"Ooh! Nice one!"

"Besides, we've been broken up for nearly a year and a half, what makes you think—" Kurt was sudden cut off by Santana, which just caused him to become more and more upset with the situation.

"That right there," she rolled her eyes at Kurt's confused look. "The fact that you still _count_ how long you have been broken up! I'm sure you even know down to the minute. That's 'what makes me think'." Santana's eyes took a soft look and she whispered the next few words, "You still love him in your own way and will always know things about him that others won't." She waited a few minutes, letting Kurt think about whatever he was until he nodded in understanding, "Now help me black-mail Gelmet so I can win. Something that—Oh! Something that no one would think would be true, but is!"

Kurt groaned and picked up the pillow they had been throwing at each other, holding it tightly to his chest as he did a quick internal debate. It had to be something good enough that it would interest Santana into leaving him alone, but not secret enough as to damage the already fragile relationship he had with Blaine... something practically harmless for Santana to know. One thing kept circling back to the front of his mind, something he would rather keep to himself because it was revealing (and Kurt was secretly selfish in wanting to keep this to himself), but he could not think of anything else that was either not good enough to entertain Satan or secret enough. "Back in high school, after Blaine transferred to MK, Finn and Puck used to make fun of the fact that Blaine was short."

"What?" Santana glared, "Are you kidding me? I do that _now_! Give me—"

"That's not the kind of _short_ I'm talking about, San."

Her lips quickly pulled into a smirk, "So? Guys do the whole measuring junk thing all the time! So what if Hobbit is small all over, it kinda comes with the territory."

Kurt blushed as he shook his head, resting his chin on the pillow while he gave it a tight squeeze and looked at the corner of his room, trying to avoid all eye contact as he whispered, "It's not true."

Santana cocked her head to the side, "What's not tru—Ay dios mio! You mean Blanderson, bowties and sweater vests, is _hung_?"

He cleared his throat, face heating up again with a bright red blush, and glanced back at the Latina, "He's not _short_, and that's all I'm saying."

"Damn," Santana practically shouted, eyes wide with shock and curiosity. She stood up from Kurt's bed before moving to her room, the new knowledge she had practically buzzing around her head, "You need to get back up on the horse, Porcelain. Literally!" Her laughter could be heard throughout the apartment for a long while after.

Kurt just let her have her giggles because until she realizes that he had gave her something that she could not really use to tease Blaine with, the blue-eyed man was going to try to finish his song for his theater-musical project. _Try_ being the key word, because now all Kurt was going to do or think of was just how much not _shorter_ Blaine had become since high school. Even though he would try not to because he and Blaine were only friends.

Again, _try _being the key word here.

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**A/N: Well, there it was. Short but sweet. Lol. I'm not sure I captured all that is Santana in this fic though, but I channeled as much of her as I could. I'll see about posting something else tomorrow, but I usually post as I finish... so we'll see.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed!**

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This ****_was_**** suppose to go up Thursday, but FF decided that it was going to have problems and we got a pretty large storm in last night so the internet is cutting out when it feels like it. I'll try to get everything posted by the end of the day, but that is not a promise with how things are going. Continuing with my six month celebration, here we go!**

**Warnings: fluff, angst, fluff, humor (Yes, in that order.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!**

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Fingers moved across his chest in a barely-there touch, their patterning indistinct but Blaine could care less. He just knew that he liked the pleasant tingling feeling left in their wake. Though as the fingers ventured lower, the young man had to catch them with his own and keep the touch pleasant before it sent his abdominal muscles spasming from sensitivity—and with as much as he enjoyed Kurt and his tickle fights, he hated being on the receiving end.

So he simply held Kurt's hand over his heart after kissing it briefly.

The taller young man giggled and sighed happily.

Blaine could not agree more with the sentiment and smiled brightly back at Kurt.

He was happy. So incredibly happy that it made him stop to wonder:

What if he had not whispered those things to Kurt, wishing that he could hear him?

What if Santana had not come home when she did?

What if it had not stormed last night to the point of Kurt calling him for comfort?

Blaine would have never known.

Never known that Kurt still loved him, wanted him. That he could be this blissfully happy, _with Kurt_, once again.

While he had been content to be Kurt's friend, be close to him and care for him as a friend could (even secretly more); that was all that he ever was, content with his life and happy that Kurt was happy. He wanted more, but never let himself hope. Dreams of what his life could have been like hurt his soul, broke his heart, and brought him to tears; but it was all that he allowed himself, his only concession.

Kurt was out of his reach... and it was his own fault.

So of his own devices, he separated himself from the idea of Kurt ever being his again, without separating himself of the young man. At first, it had been hard; but as time passed and Blaine saw how truly happy Kurt was with his life and how their relationship remained—he let go of the need and denied himself of hope.

Kurt would find true happiness with someone else eventually, and Blaine refused to set himself up for more heart-ache than necessary.

Kurt dated.

Blaine dated (after some time).

It all seemed to have plateaued.

...until last night.

Until Santana invaded his and Kurt's privacy and sent them both on a path of absolute bliss.

Blissfully happy—Blaine slowly ran his eyes down Kurt's exposed flesh—and gloriously naked.

The taller young man saw the look though, and responded in kind, pulling himself into Blaine's side while his free and slipped under the curly-haired young man to firmly cup one of Blaine's muscled glutes.

"Hello," Blaine groaned pleasantly.

Kurt hummed in kind, "Hi."

"Hi indeed," a feminine voice said.

The two young men jolted, gazes snapping to the young woman that stood at the end of the bed.

"Ah!" Kurt shouted, pulling his hands away from Blaine to yank the covers up from his lap and up to his shoulders. "Santana! What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?!"

"Oh," she shrugged, smirking, "you know, just gettin' my fill of man candy—"

As if Kurt was not stiff enough when she looked at him, but when her eyes ran over Blaine's still visible chest—his back could have snapped from the tension.

"—and you _know_ I have a sweet-tooth."

The blue-eyed young man glared at her heatedly, "Eyes to yourself and be gone, Satan!"

"Lady Lips, no need to be snappy," Santana said placatingly.

Kurt did not believe her for a second… with good reason too because the young woman lunged for the blanket.

"I just want a peak!"

"Santana!" both of the men on the bed shouted as she attempted to yank the cover away from their grip, but they were able to keep a firm hold on it.

Unfortunately, Santana was a resourceful woman... and yanked up, pulling the tucked-in end of the sheet free.

"Nice pubes, Porcelain, I just knew you trimmed," after a brief pause, "And damn, Hobbit, you _are_ huge! Then again," another pause, "you're pretty sizable yourself, Lady."

Kurt pushed down on the sheet in an attempt to cover himself once more, thoroughly mortified and blushing madly; while Blaine pulled the sheet free from Santana's clutches, the glare he sent her just as hot as the flush on his cheeks.

The Latina just laughed and turned to leave, throwing, "Mystery solved!" over her shoulder as she exited through the curtain of Kurt's part of the loft.

The silence left in her wake was deafening—at least until both of the men were able to pull themselves back together.

"I question sometimes if she really is lesbian," Blaine said. "Especially with how's she still so obsessed with cock... Particularly, _ours_."

"I'm going to die of embarrassment," Kurt stated, shaking his head. "It's possible, it could happen. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped a few seconds ago..."

"I would normally say you're over reacting," the shorter young man huffed, "but I actually might be right along with you for that ride."

Kurt let out a loud groan and flopped back onto the bed, covering his face with the sheet, "Why can't I have normal friends?!"

Blaine shrugged.

The pale young man yanked the sheet back, "Did you just shrug? Do _not_ tell me you just shrugged! This is _serious_!"

The shorter man schooled his face with a serious look, "I'm not telling you whether I just did or did not shrug."

"You are _not_ funny," Kurt glared.

Blaine smirked and raised an eye-brow, "I'm hilarious."

Kurt hummed and rolled his eyes, "That may be, but don't joke about something like this."

The curly-haired young man opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Santana, who just popped her head through the curtain.

"Hey, gays," she said, "do you two want some long, hot sausage for lunch?"

"Oh my McQueen," Kurt shouted, jack-knifing up and hurling his pillow at the now laughing and disappearing young woman. "Get out!"

"You like dick! Get over it!" she shouted back from the other side of the curtain.

Blaine laughed along, earning a glare from Kurt; while his laughter died, his smirk remained.

"Yeah, Kurt," he said, provocatively looking down at his own lap, "Get over it."

Kurt looked at him, confused before following his gaze—it did not take long for the taller young man to catch on. "Ah," he smiled, eyes briefly glancing up at Blaine's, "now that's an idea I can get on top of."

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**A/N: I love Santana. She's an awesome and versatile character, practically anything slightly mean or invasive will fit her just fine. I don't know how much more I'll do with this one, but one-shots in a related verse are fun, so it will be revisited Besides, you guys love humor and I love making humor!**

**Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed.**

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight**


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